george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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