and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
