i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
