Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Who did Billy Mays play for?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
