Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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