I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
