If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
