she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
please come you make the beer taste better
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
