i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
