Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we're so committed to being not committed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
