dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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