My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
