After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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