woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
