the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i now understand why vodka
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
