He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
