I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
