I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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