Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
