You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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