you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
