We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your penis caused this!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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