bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
