Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Actions speak louder than pants.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
