I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
