More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He did a backflip because drugs
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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