Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
