Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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