I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
