do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
