all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
