New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
