If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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