I just made out with a guy for $7.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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