someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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