My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
