I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
