Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
