super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
