im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
