clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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