i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
