I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
