Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
