Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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