you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
