If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
