that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
