Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
