I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
