He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
