I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
