I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
