so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
