Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
