She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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