all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
vagina is talking i cant
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
