Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
