the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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