once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
