we have pet lesbian snakes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize