But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
