You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
