Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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