like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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