I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
