Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
