you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Everything about him screamed your future.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
