There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
