I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
