Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
