i love accidental penises.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My bed smells like the plague
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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