So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize