TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
