I looked at my own cervix.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize