First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
