I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize