PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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