i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
