Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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