I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
