Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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