I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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