The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
