try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
