Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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