are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize