I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
