By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
