Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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