Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
