dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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