hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
