He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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