Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
