Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
