That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He did a backflip because drugs
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