Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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