Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
