he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
